Dreams, what are they and do we actually fulfill them? Webster’s defines it as “a cherished aspiration, ambition, or ideal.” Our current culture tells us to invest in them, fulfill them at all costs, and don’t let anyone destroy them – all wonderful messages that can often lead to a lonely one-man dream journey. Often the epitome of success and fulfillment comes when we help other’s achieve their dreams.
I’m writing this with major fails under my belt. Mainly with my main man, my lover, my boo thang, known to you as my husband. As His wife, the first order of business is to support him and I have fumbled through it to truly learn what He needs from me. It’s never demanded or even expected, but it’s given because I love him. If we’re in this for the long haul, then learning now to invest in who he is and what he desires, loves, cares about, will reap dividends here on earth, in our legacy as well as echoed in eternity. Here’s 4 ways I am learning how to support my husband’s dreams and desires.
1. Ask and listen.
“Honey, let’s get a babysitter, schedule a romantic dinner out and am going to tell you every desire and dream I have in life down to the minute detail and tell you what you should and should never do to help achieve them.”
This will NEVER ever be a statement you will hear from your husband. He probably won’t articulate his dream or share with you ways to support him or even how certain actions hurt him; you will brought in on journey of discovery, joy, and pain. That in itself is a privilege your husband has given to you alone that is never to be taken for granted. To truly discover what he dreams or desires takes you asking questions, often over and over again, and at times learning to ask the RIGHT questions. You can not stop there, as this is only the first step to an awesome discovery, for you must listen and listen well. Let him vent, cry if needed, share frustrations (as dreams are often discovered in areas which we are most burdened with), describe joy and excitement. Take it all in, write it down, and begin to ask and listen more. Within the moments that your ears are bigger than your mouth, you will unfold your husband’s dreams. They won’t sound logical, obtainable, or even lucrative, but they will be HIS and apart of who God created him to be – respect that.
2. Schedule Support.
Mere cheerleading phrases alone will never cultivate his dreams and desires. They must become tangible and realistic. Someone once said that “goals are dreams with deadlines” and that means they have to become small parts of your life. If he’s always wanted to become a golfing pro, schedule bi-weekly lessons as a birthday or Christmas surprise. If he’s wanted to run a marathon, wake up early together and start the running together. If it’s writing a book, schedule time where you take the kids and leave him home in a quiet house to write. He will probably never ask these things from you as most dreams stay within our hearts or in our words, but never get layers deep in our life. This takes time and intentionality.
3. Let Him Fail.
Let him fail, PERIOD! Let him change his mind, crash and burn, decide differently, take another route, stop, start again and again and again. Dreams are messy and if you ASKED for anything along your journey it’s people to support you in messy moments, so assume that is what he will need from you. If you are logical, methodical, organized, productive, result-driven and focused, chances are your husband’s journey won’t be. This is the part where you breath, allow him to process, support him, and then begin again. Don’t forget that his failure or messiness has NOTHING to do with you. It’s never personal but it needs to stay private, so protect his struggle with your encouragement, unwavering support and incredible belief. With you in his corner, he’s a guaranteed success!
4. He’s a man, FIRST!
One of the reasons I fell in love with Jason is because I knew that no matter what career or job he was in, he would work HARD and love his family. We’ve had seasons and those two things have always remained constant. I didn’t marry him for his work or money (cause we didn’t have any), or his achievements, I married him because he was the right man for me. When I’ve made a mess of things in our marriage, it was because I expected him to be more of man and took for granted that he was enough of the man that God had created and all that I needed. Women, don’t marry a man because of his gifting, talent, or even his current role; marry him because he is the right MAN for you. His gifting could be jeopardized by character, He could quit his talent during a season of depression, or get fired from his role. Those things will come and go, but what will remain is the resemblance of the shell of a man you married containing the substance of everything God created. With every new season of life, his dreams will adjust, but the man will remain. Support him as a man FIRST, then embrace and adjust to the many seasons you will walk through together.