Jessica’s Blog

4 Ways To Support Your Man’s Dreams!

Dreams, what are they and do we actually fulfill them? Webster’s defines it as “a cherished aspiration, ambition, or ideal.” Our current culture tells us to invest in them, fulfill them at all costs, and don’t let anyone destroy them – all wonderful messages that can often lead to a lonely one-man dream journey. Often the epitome of success and fulfillment comes when we help other’s achieve their dreams.

I’m writing this with major fails under my belt. Mainly with my main man, my lover, my boo thang, known to you as my husband. As His wife, the first order of business is to support him and I have fumbled through it to truly learn what He needs from me. It’s never demanded or even expected, but it’s given because I love him. If we’re in this for the long haul, then learning now to invest in who he is and what he desires, loves, cares about, will reap dividends here on earth, in our legacy as well as echoed in eternity. Here’s 4 ways I am learning how to support my husband’s dreams and desires.

1. Ask and listen.

“Honey, let’s get a babysitter, schedule a romantic dinner out and am going to tell you every desire and dream I have in life down to the minute detail and tell you what you should and should never do to help achieve them.”

This will NEVER ever be a statement you will hear from your husband. He probably won’t articulate his dream or share with you ways to support him or even how certain actions hurt him; you will brought in on journey of discovery, joy, and pain. That in itself is a privilege your husband has given to you alone that is never to be taken for granted. To truly discover what he dreams or desires takes you asking questions, often over and over again, and at times learning to ask the RIGHT questions. You can not stop there, as this is only the first step to an awesome discovery, for you must listen and listen well. Let him vent, cry if needed, share frustrations (as dreams are often discovered in areas which we are most burdened with), describe joy and excitement. Take it all in, write it down, and begin to ask and listen more. Within the moments that your ears are bigger than your mouth, you will unfold your husband’s dreams. They won’t sound logical, obtainable, or even lucrative, but they will be HIS and apart of who God created him to be – respect that.

2. Schedule Support.

Mere cheerleading phrases alone will never cultivate his dreams and desires. They must become tangible and realistic. Someone once said that “goals are dreams with deadlines” and that means they have to become small parts of your life. If he’s always wanted to become a golfing pro, schedule bi-weekly lessons as a birthday or Christmas surprise. If he’s wanted to run a marathon, wake up early together and start the running together. If it’s writing a book, schedule time where you take the kids and leave him home in a quiet house to write. He will probably never ask these things from you as most dreams stay within our hearts or in our words, but never get layers deep in our life. This takes time and intentionality.

3. Let Him Fail.

Let him fail, PERIOD! Let him change his mind, crash and burn, decide differently, take another route, stop, start again and again and again. Dreams are messy and if you ASKED for anything along your journey it’s people to support you in messy moments, so assume that is what he will need from you. If you are logical, methodical, organized, productive, result-driven and focused, chances are your husband’s journey won’t be. This is the part where you breath, allow him to process, support him, and then begin again. Don’t forget that his failure or messiness has NOTHING to do with you. It’s never personal but it needs to stay private, so protect his struggle with your encouragement, unwavering support and incredible belief. With you in his corner, he’s a guaranteed success!

4. He’s a man, FIRST!

One of the reasons I fell in love with Jason is because I knew that no matter what career or job he was in, he would work HARD and love his family. We’ve had seasons and those two things have always remained constant. I didn’t marry him for his work or money (cause we didn’t have any), or his achievements, I married him because he was the right man for me. When I’ve made a mess of things in our marriage, it was because I expected him to be more of man and took for granted that he was enough of the man that God had created and all that I needed. Women, don’t marry a man because of his gifting, talent, or even his current role; marry him because he is the right MAN for you. His gifting could be jeopardized by character, He could quit his talent during a season of depression, or get fired from his role. Those things will come and go, but what will remain is the resemblance of the shell of a man you married containing the substance of everything God created. With every new season of life, his dreams will adjust, but the man will remain. Support him as a man FIRST, then embrace and adjust to the many seasons you will walk through together.

With all my heart,
-JHuff
PS – Go love your man well today! 

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Life With Fear

Lately I’ve wrestled with the word “fearless”. It doesn’t settle well in my life anymore…actually it has no place at all. I’ve learned to lean into fear: I embrace it, own it, recognize it, and deal with it.

Think about it – is one ever fearless?

Do we ever calm the beating heart when we put ourselves out there in front of people or when we bet back in the gym one more time because we fell off the wagon for the 20 millionth time.Will we ever feel fearless when we choose to stay instead of run and face our terrible mistakes….

When we send out our 25th resume already assuming we will get on more rejection….

When we say “I’m sorry” to the one we’ve hurt but loved the most…..

When we choose to be authentic in a culture that demands sameness..…

When we say no to living a life of mediocrity when others tell us we are pretty normal…

When we realize we’re in debt up to our eyeballs and we have to ask for help….

When believing in the promises of God become impossible….

When people respect us and we fail terribly…and lose terribly…..

No, fearlessness doesn’t exist, but courage sure does.

 

Courage is the gentle whisper that carries the strength to silence loud and insecure fears.

It doesn’t’ ever need to be explained, defended, or justified – courage just stays the course and begins again and again and gain.

Courage grabs the paws of a lion and holds on tight until the battle is won.

Courage chooses kindess over rightness.

Courage gives us the strength to backdown from an accuser because it knows words won’t pacify – only actions.

Courage won’t fight battles that that are built on “proving and striving”.

Courage knows that personal responsibility and growth are the keys to rising above.

Courage says, “one more time.”

Courage says “yes” even when you want’ to say “no.”

Courage pushes you one more mile.

Courage knows it has a purpose in the middle of pain.

Courage believes the storm’s rain is there to grow us, not to destroy us.

Courage says, “I’m worth it” so “I won’t do it,”

If we ever want to experience great courage, we must first get good at feeling fear.

With all my heart,
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4 Things Women Should Quit!

I’ve never been known to be a quitter. I’ve failed and gotten back up over and over, but not necessarily quit. Maybe it’s a learned behavior or a personality trait, but I have learned to hang on. That trait also bled into areas that I should quit – ones that were damaging my future and harming those I love. In my short years lived I’ve seen the same traits also hurt other women, so I have set out to be an excellent quitter and encourage my fellow women to do so as well.

 

Quit…

 

Chasing

We chase after money, our to-do lists, kids, men, the spotlight, honor, respect, and on and on… That chase is endless. It keeps our hustle on point and our calendar full to achieve a mystical ideal called perfection. We all have our now version of “perfection” and society’s information overload constantly supports this standard of living. No one is ever promised perfection, but we can always guarantee progress. Progress happens day by day, little by little, tending to the things we have now, within our realm of stewardship and influence. Give up the chase… It’s overrated, and an under-promised lifestyle of chasing a better tomorrow when we’ve got the best today.

 

Quit…

 

Comparing 

We compare ourselves to others. Let’s set down the lens of filtering women between the wide gap of “less or more.” Filtering our life to “she has more,” which spotlights our insecurity, and “she has less,” which equates entitlement, is a dangerous line to walk. We lose either way; one negates the cultivation process of growing what we have into something wonderful, and the other believes that in order to feel big we have to keep others small. Comparing robs us of our joy of “enough.” It magnifies a gap that is not meant to be closed. Everyone walks a different journey and it’s our job to stay in our lane cheering someone else on in theirs, so halt the comparison thief that steals your joy and leaves you stagnant.

 

Quit…

 

Controlling

Let it go…Those words ring true for kids everywhere, but even more for women struggling with control. I’m neither speaking of responsibility or faithfulness in areas that you’ve made commitments too, but rather the belief that everything will be a success IF you can lead it, organize it, change it or even clean it up. When control bleeds into relationships, life becomes a blur thinking that the success and failure of people is dependent upon you. This is especially true if their success/failure directly affects your identity or well-being (wife and mom, I’m referring to you). The only thing we should ever become experts in is controlling ourselves. By taking personal responsibility for our own actions, we begin to see ourselves with compassion and love which overflows onto others. Seek freedom for yourself first and control will release it’s grip.

 

Quit…

 

Crushing

Her win is not your loss. Her approval is not your denial. Her success IS NOT your failure. Let me state is another way for you as well; your goals coming to fruition do not take you crushing any one else’s, PERIOD! Give yourself permission to celebrate other’s success and accomplishments including yourself and release the need to reduce, bash, tear down, destroy, or even inwardly despise those around you who are doing well or possibly better than you. It does not define you; you define you. When we feel the tug to reduce others to enlarge our value, we actually do the opposite. We destroy ourselves and those relationships little by little until all that is left is an insecure, paranoid, judgmental mess to clean up. Rejoice with others. Celebrate them and their accomplishments. Tell them that they inspire you to be better even in the moments where you feel less. Practice makes progress, so in the little moments you’ll replace that insecurity with true happiness for others.

 

With all my heart,

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Empathy

empathy

THEME INSIGHTS:

I am (Being) ———-> An emotional person

I will (Doing) ———-> Make the visceral explicit

I Bring (Contribution) ———-> Emotional intelligence

I need (Requirement) ———-> Freedom to laugh, cry, vent

I love (Value) —————> The gladness, sadness, madness of humanity

I Hate (Value) —————> Those things that block or limit emotional expression

Metaphor/Image ———-> A person’s affect will often determine his or her effect

Barrier Label ———-> Bleeding heart

 

THEME CONTRAST:

EMPATHY: I usually can tell how someone feels

Individualization: I usually can tell who someone is

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EMPATHY: Intuition helps me decide what do do

Analytical: Data helps me decide what to do

 

Want to discover your Top Five strengths, then click HERE to take the assessment. If you or someone you know has EMPATHY, then comment below!

Top Five: 5 Ways To Make “Healthy” Part of Your (Mom) Hustle!

Being a mom is tough, tiring and can be downright hard at times, although there are so many wonderful moments, mom life is not always easy. As a mom, our needs tend to be the last on the to do lists for the day. Being stressed, overwhelmed and tired we assume is just part of being a mother. I thought that too, until I started incorporating some healthier habits into my routine.

If you’re a busy mom who craves more energy, a little less stress, wants to get a little healthier and maybe add a few minutes of ME time in your day, check out my Healthy Habits below. Slowly adding these into your day will make eating healthy, losing weight or becoming fit so much easier. Choose just one a day, each week, or even each month, whatever way is most comfortable for you.

Once these become part of your routine, you will begin to see some amazing differences in your life, both inside and out! Just write these down as reminders, post them in your planner, your organizer, anywhere you know you will see them each day.

Healthy Habit #1
Chug, Chug, Chug:
This is the #1 tip I give the woman I work with. Water is a must for weight loss, glowing skin, increased energy, better sleep, lower blood pressure, better digestion, dehydration and less stress. Drink more water! A rule I try to start with is to aim for at least half of your body weight in ounces of water. So, if you weigh 100 lbs, shoot for 50 ounces of water. Carry a water bottle with you wherever you go!

Healthy Habit #2
Ditch the D Word:
Since time is precious to busy moms, let’s not waste it on that darn D word! Yes, those crazy plans that only leave us eating more, feeling worse and actually, gaining weight instead of losing, DIETS. Ditch those crazy quick fixes and just eat real food. Choose fresh foods and steer clear of processed prepackaged food. Begin following a healthy eating plan that fits with YOUR needs and your lifestyle. Choose something you know will work with your daily routine, food preferences and fitness goals. There are so many hard choices we need to make each day, eating healthy doesn’t have to be one of them.

Healthy Habit #3
Mini Meal Prep:
Notice I said mini meal prep! You don’t need to take hours and hours (that you don’t have) to plan healthy meals. Taking 10 minutes each night to write out your meals for the next day, cut up and bag a few fresh veggies, making your lunch or checking out some Pinterest crockpot meals. Just a few minutes each day can save you time, energy and stress of worrying about what to eat during the week.

Healthy Habit #4
Move Your Body:
Did you know that exercise can be more beneficial than a nap? It increases your energy, lifts your mood and keeps your mind and body fit! Start with just 15 minutes a few times a week. Maybe a quick class on your lunch break, a walk with your favorite little one or choose your favorite at home workouts in the evening. Starting small not only makes it more enjoyable but will help you stick with it over time.

Healthy Habit #5
More Mom-ME time:
Taking care of you, IS taking care of your kids. Making ME time a part of your daily routine can make you a better mom, wife, friend, daughter and an EVEN more amazing YOU. 
Take just a few minutes each day to do something YOU love. Sit and enjoy your favorite cup of coffee, take a warm bath, drink a glass of wine, watch your favorite show, read a few pages of a book you have been dying to read, make a phone call to your BFF who makes you laugh out loud. It’s not about having time, it’s about making the time for what matters most, you.

To learn more about living life healthy check out my website at http://www.wellandinspired.com or connect with me at jessica@wellandinspired.com I would love to hear from you!

jessica-miller

My name is Jessica Miller. I am a mom, wife, professor, and business owner who has a true passion for fitness and nutrition and feeling the best you can! Well & Inspired was created out of my desire to reach a greater audience and bring to you the enthusiasm and motivation for healthy living that I have personally and professionally been sharing for over 10 years. I have my Bachelor’s degree in Exercise and Sports Science, as well as my Masters degree in Health Promotion and Health Behavior. Having the experience of being involved with wellness centers, fitness facilities and hospitals, I have spent years counseling women with a variety of eating behavior issues and creating healthy lifestyle programs for weight management clinics. As a solo venture, I’ve also owned and managed a fitness facility where I designed fitness, nutrition, and wellness programs for numerous clients. Currently, I am a part-time college professor teaching online classes in health, nutrition, and behavior change. Between my educational background and professional ventures, I have had the opportunity to work with people of all ages and levels of health. Well & Inspired allows me to share my expertise, excitement, and energy for living a healthy life with all of you!

Opportunity Vs. Experience!

I’ve never been much for ladders.

No, not the ones you used to paint high walls or clean out the gutters; the career ones. The ladder climbers who only see themselves and one thing at the top: opportunity.

I do respect experienced people. They maximize every environment, task, failure and success as a building block to something greater: character.

So which are you? Do you seize an opportunity at everyone’s expense including your own, or do you “lean in” to the season, the moment, the job, the role, the path, the task? YES, even the boss that is right in front of you?

Opportunity says, “I.”

Experience says, “We.”

Opportunity says, “Here I go.”

Experience says, “Here we go.”

Opportunity pushes people aside.

Experience asks others for advice, draws them inward…and listens.

Opportunity declares, “I’ve arrived.”

Experience whispers, “There’s so much more to learn.”

So here’s your tip; in all your doing, building, planning, and creating, remember that when opportunities arrive quickly they can easily be forgotten or turn into experiences that last a lifetime. And each experience teaches us about life, love, people, and mostly about ourselves. So stop looking for opportunities and realize what you’re after is experience. 

It will keep your co-workers inspired.

It will show your boss and team your committed.

Even when that experience is boring, mundane, not what you expected, a “hand me down” or not even your job.

Ask anyone in the industry (whatever that may be) who they think about as inspirational, a mentor, up for a raise, ready for the job, or a trusted worker and leader! It will be the one with experience NOT the one seeking opportunity

Mad Love,

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